Friday, January 14, 2011

Hate Loss Update #2

For some reason this week's post is difficult for me to write, I spent all day yesterday trying to think of what to post. The problem wasn't that I didn't have anything to post about my problem was I had too much to post about. I decided that I will write a little about how I am feeling emotionally right now...

Since Sir left on Tuesday, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of emptiness. This is usually what happens when we have to say goodbye. He is one of the only persons that I have allowed myself to have a connection with (become attached to) since probably the death of my father (He died almost 20years ago). I am not as close to any of my family members or friends as I am with him. I can be 100% myself around him and he accepts me for who I am. Every time we have to say goodbye I am reminded of just how lonely I truly am. Now don't get me wrong I am not afraid of solitude, 

I actually prefer to not be around people for long periods. However, it is always a relief for me to be able to open up completely to someone else. My only problem with that is once he leaves I feel sad. That is quite normal, but what is not normal is that I take a while to get over it.  Once I allow myself to feel sad, all the sadness from other issues come up as well and I find myself fighting depression once again. Normally I just tell myself “Suck it up you big baby". This time I am doing something that I do not normally do. I am allowing myself to be sad for a minute and I am not going to stress about life. I am going to stay positive. With all that being said, I think my biggest accomplishment this week is realizing that it is OK to be vulnerable sometimes. That does not make me weak it just makes me human. 


  1. Spot on Shannie! A really excellent post.

    Sorry to hear that Sir left on Tuesday. Do you know when you're going to see him again?

  2. Yea he is coming back in June. It should be my turn to visit him in April but I have had enough of that long commute...

  3. Long distance relationships are so hard, I know. I was away from my boyfriend (separate colleges) for one semester before I packed up and switched schools to be closer to him. The loneliness is debilitating at times, especially when there aren't any close friends nearby (which was in my case). Being an art student I was pretty much a loner anyway. Like you, I enjoyed the solitude but I think it was only because I preferred it over trying to find new friends - which was and still can be a hard thing for me to do.
    You're right, are human and everything you're feeling right now is perfectly normal - I'm sure everyone else reading would agree with this one. Just keep focused on your next time together and it will be here before you know it. Hugs to you!

  4. I am sorry that he had to go back, I guess all good things must come to an end... Nevertheless, you DO have him and I am sure in due time you will no longer have to commute an dthe two of you will be together. *HUG*

  5. I nominated you for an award on my blog.

    Woo Hoo!

  6. Good point. I am new to your blog and just catching up, but I understand what you are thinking. Being vulnerable makes us able to really love to begin with, right? If you don't let yourself be completely involved emotionally, then you really aren't in love I think. So the fact that you get depressed and sad, only indicates to me how much you care!

    Polar's Mom

  7. You're right its is okay to be sad, it is okay to be vulnerable, you just don't want to eat your way through your emotions!

  8. @ Ellen LDR's do suck and we have been doing this for almost 5years! But he is planning on moving her for good in December so I am three excited about that.

    @MsHaneefa Thanks!

    @Polar's Mom: Yea I feel like I care too much

    @Dani: Thanks