Friday, October 15, 2010

It is wrong and I am guilty of it...

There is this girl in one of my classes and she is about my height 5'5 and she weighs close to 400 lbs if not 400lbs. (I don't know her actual weight of course but she looks to be about twice my size.) The reason why I mentioned her is because she was one of the reasons why I decided to lose weight. The truth is I was appalled that she allowed herself to get so big. I was actually disgusted by her size. The worse part of the situation was that I didn't realize that my thoughts were wrong and that the only thing disgusting was that I was seeing her size and not the person. 

She is a very beautiful girl, and she carries herself neat and clean. She wears clothes that fit her well, her make up is always on point and she always has a smile on her face. Anyways I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong until I saw someone else do it.  Once I saw someone else doing it I realized that I am no better than my classmate, what I mean is that I am obese (dang I hate that word) as well, and a thinner person may look at me in a negative way and say she looks gross I don't want to be like her. That thinner person may think about me in the manner in which I thought about my classmate and the thought of that makes me sad. That thought makes me want to yell BEYOND MY SIZE, I AM A REAL PERSON! (just like my class is a real person with real feelings) What I now realize is that my focus should not be on how my classmate got to the size that she is now, my focus should be on what am I going to do to become healthier and more fit. I should not be directing my self hate on someone else.

I think that when you are trying to lose weight it is best to focus on yourself and the personal changes you want to make. You should think about the things that matter, like your healthy and fitness goals. Focusing on the positives will help you stay positive during your journey. It will also help with self esteem and confidence because you would see weight loss in a positive light. Focusing your self hate on someone else (which is what I was doing unknowingly) will only cause you to judge others who haven't gained the awareness you have now gained about health and fitness. Also it will cause you to take drastic measures because you see being overweight as being a very negative thing. Negativity breeds negativity, and you can never be happy if your focusing on the negative. It is just that simple. 

Finally I want to say that my post is not to offend anyone, I am just pointing out an error I have  made during my journey. The longer I continue the more I am learning about myself. Sometimes we don't realize a journey involves not only the physical but the mental and emotional too. I am finding out a lot about myself and who I am through this weight loss journey. 


  1. To be honest I think that we all have done it. Don't feel so guilty

  2. I can be over sensitive