Hey Everyone!

It has been a long long long time since I have been inspired to write something on here. I opened up blogger dashboard a couple of times to post something but I couldn't bring myself to post an update. All of a sudden blogger became a source of anxiety for me. At first, I told myself that I wasn't posting because I had nothing to post about, and then I said to myself that I am not posting because I am not doing anything exercise/diet related. I had completely abandoned my quest to get fit. I just couldn't be bothered. The truth is I think I was a bit down about how I wasn't progressing anymore. I can't even make excuses because I know it is my fault. 

But now all that is in the past and I could have, should have, would haves, are in past and I am ready to get down to business. Today is a new start for me. I do intend to finally start blogging again and losing weight. I have set a goal for myself to lose 30lbs by December 31st. At the beginning of this month I weighed 192lbs, This morning when I weighed myself I was 195lbs. I have regained 15lbs (ouch) from my low this year. <----- It hurts to type that. However, as I said in the beginning that is all in the past now and I am moving forward with operation Hot Wife.

Goals for this week:

1. Exercise every day for at least 20mins a day: Rationale It as been a while since I have done any form of exercise and I need to get back into it.
2. Drink only water: I have been drinking way too many sweet drinks...
3. Eat breakfast every morning. I find that I snack less when I have a good breakfast.

Another thing that has inspired me to start working out again is because my cousin is getting married new month and while I am not a bridesmaid, I will be seeing my father's side of the family again and they are more critical than my mother's side of the family. I think that I will be better prepared to mentally handle their criticism if I know in myself that I am on the journey to becoming healthy and thinner again.

Thanks for reading. I know I have said this before but I do intend to post more often again....

OMG! You lost weight... Here are some 3x shirts

I made it to Holland in one piece and the three flights I had to take to get here were pretty good and I even managed to sleep, which is something that I don't usually do. It has been a year since I have been to Holland and the main reason why I haven't wanted to come back here was because of my mother in law. She is as nice and fake as they come. She is passively bossy, she is very nosy inquisitive, and she is rude. The worst part about it is I think she thinks I am too stupid to notice that she talks down at me  that I don't notice.

As I mentioned before I have not been to Holland in about a year. The last time I was here I weight about 216lbs. Now I weigh about 187lbs. So that is almost a 30lb difference. I am not naive, I knew that everyone here would be surprised by my weight loss because its been a long time since they saw me. Well, my mother in law being the drama queen  person that she is, was all smiles when she said OMG! You lost a lot of weight young lady. I had of course expected her to say something. My reply to that was: yea thanks. Inside I was thinking whatever (bitch please) miss, it's not that serious. This was right after I arrived so my husband and I went to his room to put away my clothes and we didn't come back until it was dinner. Then we went out and when we came back she told him in dutch this long story (that he translated to me) about how she had a coworker that had some clothes that she gave to her that she (the coworker) couldnt fit and she (my mother in law) couldn't fit them either so maybe I want them. First off, (bitch) miss, I don't wear clothes from people I don't know! However the shirts were on the table that is on the stair way near the bathroom door which we have to pass to get to my husband's room so we saw them. It was bad enough that the shirts were ugly but can you guess what size they were? (I know that its in the title but you can still play along :P) Yeap, you guessed it 3x. My husband was instantly pissed. The first thing he said when he saw the size was is she serious? My reply was I guess. The most hurtful part about seeing the 3x shirts was that I didn't even wear 3x at my heaviest. I did not wear 3x when I was here a year ago. 

Of course we left the shirts there. Of course, I didn't buy her story that she got the shirts from a co worker. I think that she bought the shirts for me anticipating that I would be the same size that I was last year if not bigger. The hurtful part about it is she tried to give me the shirts even though she noticed that they are too big for me. I know that I still have a considerable amount of weight to lose still but there is no one who would look at me and think that I wear a 3x. But luckily they are on vacation now, which is why I came to Holland. I wouldn't have came if she was going to be here for my entire trip. After my last visit her I promised I would never set foot in this house again. (this is why I try to not ever say never because I am here again). 

Thanks for reading yall. My goal this week is to shed the excess kilos (the scale here is in kilos) that I gained this weekend. Pinky and I went to the Efteling which is an amusement park here and we stayed in this hotel room with an amazing jacuzzi tub and we ate whatever and it was fun. But this week I will be eating very late. I will make an effort to post pictures of the dinners that I make, which is something that I don't do at home because no one trusts me to cook at home but Pinky loves my cooking so yeah.

Finally, I will have a lot of spare time while I am here so look forward to seeing more posts from me and also I will be catching up on your blogs so dont be surprised if you see a lot of comments from me in one day. Thanks again for reading!

Where am I????

Hey Folks,

The title is for myself not you guys...lol I have no idea where I am in my journey. I have no idea what I want to do or what I want to accomplish as far as where I want my body to be. I have gotten so complacent with my current weight that I feel stuck and I lack ambition, desire and commitment. I have been trying since I came back from my honeymoon to develop a workout regimen but it is almost four weeks later I am still trying. Everything that I have done in the past to motivate myself isn't working. I started writing my goals on paper, I tried marking the time off on the calender , I have tried putting on my workout clothes and no matter how I try to think positively a major part of me isn't interested. So I find myself constantly putting off trying to lose weight. This is a constant battle for me right now. I have come to the conclusion that for right now I am not committed/ready to actively lose more weight right now. I keep hoping that tomorrow I would feel differently.

All that being said, I am about to switch topics right quick... I am going to Holland for four weeks and I leave next week Wednesday. I know for sure I won't be able to do any workout dvds while I am there because where my husband lives the floors are paper thin and walking echos so jumping around and doing anything that is extra noisy is a no no. However, I do intend to go for walks in the neighbourhood. So walking will be my form of exercise there. Additionally, my husband (still getting used to that word) and I plan to visit amusement parks so we will get in a lot of activities. That being said, I have a history of gaining weight when I am in Holland as much as 10lbs. I don't know if it is the weather or what but I don't realize that I have gained a considerable amount of weight until I get home to Nassau.  I remember the last time I came home from Holland, the second thought that came to my mind after damn its hot was damn I feel HUGE!. Seriously, I felt rolls and loaves in places I didn't know that they existed. I do not plan on doing that this time around.

The habits that I have had in my past visits to Holland that has caused me to gain so much weight  is attributed to my lack of exercise/activity and my constant snacking. I eat a whole lot of chips and cookies, MacDonalds and chocolate when I am there, especially since I am not a fan of bland dutch food. The plus side is I will be making my own meals so I can make food to my own taste rather than eating food made by my mother in law. I have a question though, I don't know if I should challenge myself to avoiding unhealthy snacks while I am there or if I should just limit the amount of times I snack on junk food. Let me know what you think please. 

Finally, can I get some advice on how I can get outta my rut please? I really want to get back into the swing of things. As far as my weight is concerned right now I weigh exactly 190lbs. When I came back from my honeymoon I was 188lbs. My highest weight this month was 192lbs and my lowest weight this year was 180.2lbs and my highest weight ever was around 220lbs. 

Hey Folks :D

I haven't forgotten about my blog, I promise, I have just been really busy. This is a short post to let you know that I will be back to posting really soon and to let you know that I got MARRIED YAAAAAAAAAAY :D I am going to make a post about that on my personal blog (I haven't posted on there in very long time and I will link it in a future post for those who are interested.) I haven't been working out or anything lately but I will be getting back into the swing of things. I hope everyone else is doing great. I miss you all :D

Until my next post!

Not In the MOOD :(

I have entered one of my funks again and I am not in the mood for anything. Honestly, I am starting to feel like maybe I am bipolar or something. I have moments when I am up and happy and excited about life then I have moments where I am down and just want to crawl into a corner and hide and wait until it's all over. And that is how I feel at the moment I don't want to be bothers.

With all that being said You know how my weight loss journey is going at the moment. It is at a stand still. I am currently 188lbs. I gained like 8lbs in the last two weeks which is well deserved because I really enjoyed the massive amounts of food that I was eating and I am happy that it was only 8lbs that I gained. Of course I would have enjoyed not gaining any weight but what is the point crying over spilled milk? It would have been worse if I  gain the weight while I was eating healthy and exercising.  

I have some posts sitting in draft that I have to make an effort to post. I just do not like posting when I am in a bad mood because I tend to write things that may seem mean or cruel and thats not a part of me that I want to share with the internet. I have learned that it is easier for people to remember the bad rather than the good so as much as I miss blogging I have to wait until my mood improves before I make posts.

If what I wrote before lowered your mood then I am sorry and believe me my life isn't bad my mood just is and misery likes company.... 

On a good note Sir will be here on Saturday YAAAAAAAAAAAAY ( see I think have some mental issues how did I go from feeling down to saying yaaaaaaaay in he same post?) so maybe he can help me find my happy side (not that I am sad I am just distant I guess? It's hard to explain). 

Thanks for reading :D

Detox Update:

Hey Everyone!

I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I really don't know how you manage but I believe good mothers do an AMAZING job! Keep doing what you do.

As my title says I want to update you on my detox. I ended yesterday because I was really craving protein/foods with protein. It started on Thursday, I was really craving morning star sausage patties. For those of you who don't know that is a veggie patty but it looks like meat sausage. The sodium level is a bit more than I would like but it is still quite tasty. More importantly, it has a good amount of protein in it. I managed to ignore the cravings and stay on plan, and then on Friday I started to crave eggs. It got so bad that I was hallucinating. 

No joke I could see myself frying up some eggs and eating it. At one point I saw myself eating boiled eggs and I HATE boiled eggs. Again, I managed to fight through it and then on Saturday, Tuna was calling my name. The can of tuna in the cupboard was teasing me because I didn't want to give in. As the day grew on the cravings were too much to deal with so I finally gave in and I had some spaghetti and cornflakes on Saturday evening. Then Sunday I ate regular food, I had grits and eggs for breakfast but I had too much grease for dinner, Bean and rice, baked bbq chicken, plantain and cole slaw (we have an early dinner on Sundays) and I paid for it this morning. My stomach was my worst enemy today. 

Even though I fell off the wagon, I am going to go back on the detox on the 11th. I will again try to get through a minimum of 8 days I am going to try to include hemp seed and flax seeds, (thanks Hyla for the suggestion of including seeds) maybe some hemp protein so I do not crave protein like I did the last time.

As far as detox symptoms are concerned I didn't have anything major, my skin was itchy but that was about it. I did notice that I was always sleepy around 3pm. Then I got a burst of energy around 6. I think my body always gave me energy around 6 because thats the time when I usually exercised. As far as weight is concerned: When I weighed myself Sunday morning I weighed 180.7lbs. Today I weighed in at 182 exactly. I am not overly concerned about the weight. It is what it is. I am getting to the point where the scale doesn't affect me like it used to, because I give myself 5lbs. Once I don't gain over 5lbs I don't sweat it. 

My goal is to work on maintaining while I am losing so once I reach to my goal weight. What I mean by that is  if I go off plan then my goal is just to maintain. For most of April I was off plan therefore I just spent a lot of time maintaining. My hopes are that once I reach my goal weight, I will already have an idea of what I can do to keep the weight off. Plus I want to enjoy my new/old body. The last time I weighed 180 was I think about 4 years ago. I don't want to be stressing over the number on the scale. I feel amazing and thats all that matters. I feel when you are happy with the way you look, you are more likely to take care of your body. I am happy with the way I look.

I will have progress pictures when I get to 175lbs. I have about 7lbs to get to that goal. I have started exercising again today. I did want to do Jillian Michael ripped in 30 but I can't. I don't like Jillian. Her voice makes my skin crawl. She doesn't motivate me at all... rather she irritates me. (Sorry Jillian I am sure you don't care because you are out spending your dollars and I am broke...lol) So instead I will be doing Turbo Jam, Turbo Fire and maybe some Leslie Sansone. At the end of the day or tomorrow I will post my workouts. 

Thanks for reading :D

You're Losing Weight too fast!

I blinked three times when my mother said that to me today. The first thing that came to my mind was no you are just realizing that I have lost weight! But I just said no I am not. Then she said yes you are so I left it, I was not about to have a conversation talking about how long I have been trying to lose with excess weight with anyone that is the purpose of my blog. I could have told her that I actually started working towards losing weight last August. But that wasn't something that I wanted to do because I know my family. As fair I am concerned  I look the same as I did a year ago because I am not going there with them. Whenever they mention that I lost weight I say "Oh OK I didn't notice."

Then after a few minutes of silence she said to me and you really don't have to lose any more weight just do some sit ups or crunches to turn your stomach area some and you will be fine. My response to that was "Oh OK" What was on my mind was since when are you a personal trainer? When it comes to my weight and what I look like the last group of people that I want any compliments or advice from is my family. 

My family is extremely "honest" in the rudest way possible when it comes to anything weight related. I have a cousin who weighs around 300 to 400lbs. Whenever anyone sees her this is usually what the conversation sounds like.

Cousin walks in

Family Member (dont matter which one) Well goddamn aye? Girl ha ga get so big? You need to stop eat man. You barely manage to fit through the door. Well gee,,, Ha you let yasef get like that? An sun so hot an you big so? Gurl you have ta do sumting bout all that fat. Well muddoes dred girl you is big. ( Basically if that was difficult to read, they usually ask her over and over how she get so big and how she manages with it being so hot. They even tell her that she needs to stop eating so she can lose the weight. Yes my family is brutal).

My grandmother cannot really do much for herself so in the day time she is at my house. I honestly thought at one point that she forgot my name because she only used to call me fatty. That was my name for three/four years now.... Then all of a sudden she started calling me Shan again so I guess she didn't forget my name. 

But don't feel sorry for me its what my family does. I accept it, you have to have a tough exterior to be a part of my family if not you would probably hang a rope in a tree or something and be done with it. Also, before you think that my family only discriminates against overweight persons they do the same thing to the underweight members of my family. I have a cousin who is 5'6 and about 100lbs if that. She is super skinny and every time someone sees her they offer her food. They always tell her that she is way too skinny and she needs to gain some weight and how old she looks because she is way too thin. Like I said my  family is brutal.

Finally, before you think its only my family that is brutal it actually seems like all Bahamians are like that. I have had friends ask me how did I get so fat. I have had random customers from my aunts bakery who I have served in the past ask me how I gain so much weight. I actually wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that. My guess is soon they will be asking me how I lost so much weight. Maybe I missed the memo of something but when did it become acceptable to judge a persons weight?

30 Day Fruit and Veggie Detox. aka Going 100% Rawish for 30 Days

Hey Everyone! I had this post sitting in drafts for three days now. When I had originally written it I was on my 3rd Day of eating Raw now I am on day 6. When I started the detox on Sunday I weighed 189lbs. Yesterday I weighed in at 182lbs exactly. Therefore I have lost about 7lbs in 5 days. I think that is an impressive amount to lose in under a week. I have not exercised at all. I had planned to start Ripped in 30 last Sunday, however I decided not to do it because I wanted to tackle one difficult experience at a time. So I decided that I would postpone starting Ripped in 30 to this coming Sunday. This is my second time doing an extended Raw detox, the first time I did it was late February / early March and I lost about 10lbs in 5days however this was with exercise, I was doing Turbo Fire at the same time. To be honest I wasn't sure that I was going to disclose how much weight I lost because I have no idea why not but I was debating it. So far I haven't had any detox symptoms I believe that is partly because I am not eating any nuts this time around and partly because I am drinking enough water. I think the first time that I did the detox I did not drink nearly enough water. Everything beyond this point was what I wrote 3 days into the detox. If you have any questions feel free to ask and I will be sure to answer.

Why am I doing this detox?

I am assuming that all my readers know what a detox is, so I am not going to go into explaining what it is. I decided to do this detox because I ate really bad in April. I had pizza and a lot of fried foods and eating so poorly made me feel sluggish and bloated and I wanted to get rid of that feeling. This is not the first time that I am doing this detox. The first time I did it was in late February. (I talked about it sort of in my Raw eating post). I did it for 5 days and for the most part I felt really good afterwards. I had lost some weight, my digestion was better and I had more energy. Last week I was feeling sick from being bloated and so I decided that I would do the detox again but only this time for 30days. However, unlike last time I will not be including nuts because I find that my skin is itchy when I eat nuts. Another reason why I am doing this is because I am switching to being pescetarian; meaning that the only meat I will eat will be fish and I feel like this will be a good transition into my new way of life. I am learning that my body does not like when I eat too much meat. Actually for most of my childhood I did not eat any kinds of meat so it is going to be fairly easy for me to make the switch. 

What will you eat?

Fruits and Veggies. (Organic as much as I can afford) I will eat fruits that are low on the GI (glycemic index) Like apples, grapes and oranges. I do eat bananas but I limit it to once a day because of the sugar level. I eat romaine lettuce and tomatoes, but I am staying away from carrots because of the vitamin A. (I am still on Roaccutane) I need more ideas for veggies though because I only like romaine lettuce, spinach  and tomatoes. Also I am doing this almost completely raw. I am currently on Day 3 and I like the convenience of just washing my food and eating it. I am not going to experiment with any fancy meals, I simply wash and eat. I do not count calories and I eat as much as I can handle.

Isn't this too restrictive?

Today this isn't too restrictive for me. I am on Day 3 so it is still pretty early. I am still doing research to find out what I can eat to still get protein and all my nutrients so that I will not be deficient in anything. As long as I still feel good I will continue on with the detox. Therefore, I am not committed to the full 30 Days, I am only committed to 7 Days. Which means no matter what I will do this for 7 days, after that I will do it as long as I feel fine with 30 days being the maximum amount of time that I do this. The reason why I am not committed to the 30 days is because when I did this for 5 days I had really bad detox symptoms. I had headaches, I lost my voice, mucous build up, constipation, restlessness, really bad tongue pains, anxiety and a little bit of paranoia. The paranoia was at night when I couldn't sleep and I would hear things move in the stillness (my mind playing tricks) so don't be alarmed. Update: 6 Days into it I am thinking that I will not make it through the full 30 days. I am getting tired of the food selection and I miss flavours like spices and those are things that I am also staying away from for this detox. What is also making this quite difficult is that I am in a house with other people who are not on a diet and they always seem to be cooking and fyi, food always smells better when you know that you can't have any!

If the detox symptoms were so bad why are you doing it again?

I am doing it again because I am crazy...lol On a serious note, I am doing it because I feel like it. I need to do it. I remember how much energy  I had when I did it the last time and I don't have any health issues that would prevent me from doing it, so why not? In addition, I also felt overall healthier when I was eating less of everything else. 

If you lose weight doing this do you think you will regain it once you eat regular food again?

I think the possibility of gaining weight exists no matter how you lose it. I also do not expect to lose more than 15lbs by doing this for 30 days. The first two week I may lose a significant amount of weight but once my body adjusts, it will all taper down and so therefore I do not expect to lose a massive amount of weight.

Just thought I would share...

I came across this article and I thought I would share it. Let me know what you think about it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1383049/Malissa-Jones-Britains-fattest-teenager-battling-anorexia.html

How about buy better snacks?

Yesterday I made a post called unconventional tips. In a nutshell, it was about simple things that did/do to help me along in my journey. One of the tips I made was to pay for your snacks (with exercise) before you eat it. In response to that Hyla from Bloggest Loser (great blog check it out if you haven't already) left me a great suggestion which was to not buy junk food at all and she gave some healthy alternatives and great suggestions on how to make it more convenient. 

This was the comment left by Hyla: 

How about  Buy better snacks dont buy the junk and keep it in your home. Stop buying that and buy healthy things, like fresh fruit and veggies, cheese, eggs. Then when you get home, take the time to prepare it, so when you go to snack it is easily accessible.

Fruits: wash and cut them up, place them in a bowl with plastic wrap on the top, you can easily see it and it is easy to get too. Baby carrots and snap peas, rinse and eat cheese, cube it and put it in a see through container

Eggs, hard boil them, very easy to grab and eat and great for protein which equals energy and slower absorption on sugars, so an egg and some fruit is a great snack. Nuts and seeds have protein and are great like eggs

Like I said before I agree 100% with what she wrote but the reason why I didn't make that suggestion was because that was something that we always read about. It is one of those tips like drink more water. You can read any health tip and without fail drink more water will be there. I chose to "pay" to be able to eat unhealthy junk foods because I am a recovering sugar addict and it was unrealistic for me to say that I would never eat junk foods again. There is no way, (and this is my present frame of mind) that I could give up sweet stuff cold turkey. I had to ween myself off it them. I could say that I won't buy junk foods but it is hard for me to actually do it. This is the case of some things are easier said than done. I found that by making myself workout for the snack I was able to burn "earn" it because the exercise that I did to eat the "snack" did not count as my daily workout. I still had to do that too and as much as I love exercising there came a point where junk food wasn't worth it. This way helped me to drastically cut back on the amount of junk foods that I was eating and I thought maybe it would help someone else. 

Another thing that I have learned from experience is that if I am craving chocolate for example, I have to eat chocolate. I have tried substituting it for maybe a banana or green tea (for the caffeine) but the craving only grows and I had to get the chocolate. The results of that was that I consumed calories by eating a banana (or whatever substitute) I ate and it didn't kill the cravings so I ended up eating the chocolate still but if I had just eaten the chocolate instead of the substitute then I would have eaten less calories. I know that part is kind of confusing but I hope you get what I am trying to say.

Finally, I definitely think that not buying junk food at all is best but I also believe that everything has to be done when you are ready to do it. If you aren't ready to do something it gets that much harder because you are not only fighting against what you are trying to change you are also fighting against yourself.  (this part was a bit off topic right?) 

 

"Unconventional Tips"

I call this post unconventional tips because these are things that I do to motivate myself whenever I feel like I am slacking off. I hope it helps someone...

1. Keep a picture of you not looking your best visible: My background picture for my laptop is a picture of me at a weight that I hate. (hate is a strong word that is why I am using it.) Every time I turn on my laptop I get reminded that I have a lot of work to do and I do not want to look like how I looked in that picture ever again.  
2. Write ENCOURAGING and POSITIVE messages to yourself. Sometimes when you are losing weight it is easy to focus on the things that you want to change and just thinking about the huge amount of weight that you have to lose can be overwhelming. To avoid getting caught up in self hate, I take time out to write nice things to myself. Sometimes I say for example " You are a really strong person and you look fabulous today" Self praise puts a smile on my face and makes me feel good about myself. And my motto is if you feel good about yourself you will take better care of yourself. 
3. BELIEVE that you can lose the weight. As I mentioned in number 2 sometimes thinking about losing 50+ lbs can be overwhelming and you may doubt yourself. Doubting yourself is EVIL (just like food commercials). There is no room for doubt when you have a goal you are trying to accomplish!
4. Pay before you snack. I haven't done this recently but I do plan on getting back into it. Whenever you feel like eating junk food just because you are bored look at the amount of calories on the package and exercise. If you burned the amount of calories on the "snack" and you still want to eat the snack eat it because you earned it. But if you can't burn the calories you can't eat the junk food. 

Those were four things that I do to motivate myself or to help me stay on track. I hope everything was clear and straight forward. If you have any questions feel free to ask...

Thanks for reading :D

Food Commercials are Evil...

Hey Folks, I hope everything is going well with everyone and I hope you are all staying on plan and getting that sexy summer body in order. I know I am working on it. (more about that later). Before I get into what my post is about today I want to say that I will be posting everyday this month, I totally slacked off in April but that is about to change 

Now that that is out the of the way time to get into what I really wanted to rant on which is Food commercials are EVIL! If you want to stay on plan and if you want to avoid random eating and cravings,  DO NOT WATCH FOOD COMMERCIALS! Yesterday I started a detox (more about that later too) and I was doing just fine until I started watching tv and up pops some random food commercial! I am telling you almost instantly I started craving chicken and cakes and pies and everything greasy. Up until that point I was completely satisfied and I didn't feel hungry at all.  Honestly, I didn't even realize at first that the food commercial was triggering my hunger. 

I ignored the cravings and eventually it went away and then a Mcdonalds commercial came on tv and all of a sudden I felt like eating a big mac. I have not eaten Mcdonalds in a couple of months. I bought it maybe in mid April and I took one small bite of the big mac and I didn't like it so I gave it to my sister but previous to that I think it was last year that I actually ate any meal from Mcdonalds. It was at that point that I realized that the commercials were triggering my cravings. Who would have thought right?

I know that there are some studies out there that blame television for the rise in obesity. They claim that the huge amount of food commercials on television trigger cravings and the amount of time spent watching television rather than being active also adds the pounds because like I mentioned before you are less likely to be active but for a long time I was in denial about it. I was in denial because I know that my obesity could not be blamed solely on the amount of television that I was watching. However, after yesterday I am now a believer!

I just wanted to let you know if you are struggling with binging or even just cravings pay attention to what you are doing because that could be a trigger for you. Sometimes we think that other foods are triggers but that isn't the only trigger I know that aside from the tv commercials that my boyfriend is a trigger for me.  Whenever we are together we usually get a lot of junk foods (well I normally get a lot of junk food.) and it has almost become a tradition for us so whenever we are together I always gain weight because all we do is lay in bed, watch movies and eat junk foods together. 

Losing weight and trying to keep it off is way to difficult to let something like triggers hinder your progress. 

Until my next post!

Thanks for reading

Reader Interaction # 2: The Verdict

Hey Everyone :D

I want to thank you all for the comments that you left. They were all really valid points and I agree with all of you. I think for the most part we would probably all want to lose a huge amount of weight at one time but we also know that when it comes of slower you have a better chance of developing life long habits that will help you keep the weight off. There is also a great chance that you can keep the weight off if you lose it slow and steady.. 

There are moments when I wish I could lose ten pounds in a week. Heck, no one would be able to talk to me. I would feel like a celebrity! Darks shades and all, don't look me in the eyes when you are talking to me...lol But hey it is what it is. The most important thing is that eventually you get where you want to be. 

Which brings me to my last point. Once you reach your goal it doesn't matter how long it took you to get there. It doesn't matter that it took you 6 years to lose 10lbs. All that matters is that you did it and you can be proud of your hard work. This is my opinion on the topic. Of course there are no wrong or right answers as far as opinions are concerned. 

Next Week's Question:

What motivates you to lose weight? What keeps you going? 

The Voice in my Head....

.... wants me to fail.

There is this voice in my head that is quite annoying yet I do everything it says. Everyday it tells me that tomorrow is another day.. a better day... a day that I have to be more committed to the cause. Right now the cause refers to my efforts to lose weight but really it doesn't matter what the cause is at the moment this is how that part of my mind likes doing things. Wait until tomorrow... 

---- Yeah So there will be more posts tomorrow... I will lose weight tomorrow... I will exercise tomorrow... I will eat better tomorrow... I will do what I have to do.... you guessed it tomorrow. 

Then that would be one more thing that I did not accomplish...

Love of Eating versus Fear of Eating.... The Verdict!

I want to thank every who commented on my last post. It seems that all of you agreed that a fear of eating was worse. I am still on the fence when it comes to deciding which is worse. I have personally experienced them both. In my case they were both brought on by anxiety. My love of eating came about when I first started gaining weight. I was afraid to try and lose weight because I didn't like the idea of failing at it. So I kind of figured that since I was gaining weight anyway I might as well do it on my terms. I decided to do it "the fun way" and I eat everything in sight. If I wanted ice cream I ate ice cream, and if I wanted to eat pizza in the middle of the night I did so. There was no restrictions as far as my love of food was concerned.   However, it wasn't fun and I found that eventually I became depressed and I realized that even though I wasn't happy with the way that I looked, I found it hard to end my relationship with food. Food became the enemy because it was the reason why I looked the way I did (do) and even though I loved it it didn't necessarily love me back. 

My fear of eating returned when I started to lose weight (The first time was when I was in high school but that is a different story). I became so desperate to lose weight and so desperate to keep it off that food was once again the enemy. Every bite that I took reminded me that I could gain back all the weight that I was so desperate to lose. My fear of eating however made me more conscious of what I was eating, how often I was eating and how much calories were that food. I spent hours just sitting there ignoring the hunger and being happy with myself that I had not given into temptation. I was anxious that eating even the smallest amount of food would make me instantly gain like 20lbs. 

Based on my experience (and everyone is different) I think that a fear of eating and a love of food are one and the same (on an emotional level anyways) because I think in most cases one is triggered by the other. They both stem from an unhealthy relationship with food... This is why I am still on the fence about it. I think overall they both are very destructive and they both sometimes require some kind of intervention in order to overcome them.... But of course this is my opinion and with everything in life there are no wrong or right answers when dealing with emotions... One size doesn't fit all. 

This week's question: Do you honestly believe that it is best to lose the weight slowly? Or is it something you tell yourself so that you aren't disappointed if you can't lose more than 1-2lbs a week? Again I will answer this question on Monday but I look forward to reading your responses :D

End of 90 Days to Better Fitness.

Hey Bloggers, Readers and Everyone in between :D


 What is up? This is post is long and overdue. I have been a little busy and I am dealing with a lot of stress right now. So I have been buried away from blogging and I have posted comments on a few of your pages because I have read some post but for the most part I have not been been thinking about losing weight. I apologize and I do expect to be more active. I would like to welcome my new followers. I am happy you found something interesting on here that made you want to read it. So Welcome and Thank YOU! 

For those of you who are new or didn't know, I did a 90day fitness challenge. Honestly I don't remember what my goals were, I know I didn't have a certain number that I wanted to be at. But for the most part I wanted to not have any knee pains and I am pretty sure I wanted to be under 200lbs. (Everything that comes after this is what I wrote on the day of the end of the challenge which was April 11th)

Beginning Stats:

Weight 205lbs

Bust: 43"

R. Arm: 14"

L. Arm: 14"

Waist: 38"

Hips: 41.5"

L. Thigh: 25.5"

R. Thigh: 25"

Current Stats: 

Weight 188lbs (I am still at 188lbs I have managed to maintain this for three weeks with no exercise. My lowest this month however was 185.something)

Bust: 44" (Blaming this on the bc pills)

Right Arm: 13 inches

Left Arm: 13 inches

Waist; 35.5 inches

Hips: 39 inches (sucks:( I have no booty as it is)

L. Thigh: 24 inches

R. Thigh 24.5inches

If my math is correct I lost a total of 10inches and I maintained a loss of 17lbs.

When I started this challenge, my focus was primarily on getting fit. It had very little to do with weight loss. I wanted to be able to exercise without having any pain in my  knees, I wanted to gain more stamina and I just wanted to be overall more healthy. I think  that the first month was my best month. I exercised everyday for hours at a time and I felt great. But as time went on I had to push myself to even do the bear minimum. In the last 11 days I have only exercised maybe 3 days which I am quite disappointed with because I had plans to go hard for my last 11 days. 

Was the challenge successful?

• Definitely, I have accomplished my main goal which was to get rid of the pain in my right knee.
• I was able to maintain a loss of 17lbs 
• I have not been over 200lbs since I went under it. That was about a month an a half ago. (Please don't quote me exactly though I have issues with keeping up with time. )
• I can do push ups now, before I couldn't do one now I can do about 5 or 6? 
• I can fit into most of my old jeans. I have had to retire jeans because they are too big. Ladies as word of advice if your jeans are getting really baggy and you have jeans that are better fitting or slightly tight but still able to be worn, STOP WEARING THE BAGGY JEANS! If you wear jeans that are too baggy and you start to regain weight you are less likely to do something about it quickly because your jeans "still fit well". If you wear jeans that are fitted or slightly tight and you start to gain weight you know sooner that you have to do something about it soon else you would have to walk around bare booty. The jeans I wear currently are so tight I can hardly raise my knees...lol But hey in a few weeks they will be too big and I will be switching to smaller pants! 

Would I do it again?

This is kind of a weird question. I do plan to stay healthy and active and workout everyday, however as far as challenges go I think I would just stick to 30days. That way I can get it done as soon as possible and if I have to I can reevaluate my goals (which I know I can do regardless) but the novelty of the challenge wears out for me pretty quickly. I can keep it fresh is I challenge myself in smaller increments. 

Do I have any regrets:

Of course. But they were all learning experiences. I feel like I now how an idea of what works for me right now. 

One of the most remarkable thing for me is that I weigh less than 200lbs. It has been about 3 years since I weighed under 200lbs. and maybe 4 years since I weighed under 190lbs. I am so excited about what the future will bring. My confidence in this journey has doubled and I know without a doubt I will not be gaining this weight back because of my eating problems. Now, I can't say if meds will cause me to regain weight but I know for sure I won't let overeating be the cause of it. (Oh Lord I pray I don't eat these words.)  I have come way too far to go back. 

What are my plans moving forward?

• I am currently working on getting junk foods and overly processed foods out of diet. 
• I am working on increasing the amount of fibre that I eat.
• I have 1 jeans that I have to get into I think that will be possible after I lose another 15lbs
• I see myself weighing 165lbs by 11 June. (Affirmative thinking, I believe that if I truly believe something it will come to pass. I have proved this to be true in various areas of my life. If there is even a tad bit of doubt in my thoughts I believe that holds me back. It may be an irrational fear but it doesn't harm me to think this way)

Pictures

This is what 17lbs loss look like on me... Ummmmmmmmmmm yea... If you can see a difference please let me know because they could be the same picture if you ask me...lol Oh I did take this picture today (April 18th) I have another picture that I took on the 11th but it wasn't in same clothes so that's why I didn't use that one.

 

                                                             Somewhere Before                   Sometime After

Again Thanks for Reading :D Until Next Time!

Reader Interaction Question One!

Hey Everyone! Happy Monday:D

Lately I have been struggling with coming up with things to talk about on my blog because I have fallen into a regimen/ routine that seems to be working for me and so I have nothing new to blog about. Pretty much my days are all the same. I eat small meals whenever I start to get hungry, I exercise for at least an hour everyday (with the exception of last week because I was sick) I go to sleep, I get up and then I do it all again the next day.

I am no longer so focused on what I am eating and what workouts I am doing. I just enjoy life and I live as stress free as I can and that seems to be working for me. With all that said, I thought from time to time I will post questions that come to my mind so I can get some feedback from you and that way we can sort of have discussions and stuff if you may. Also, gives me something to post on my blog because I really do enjoy blogging. 

Therefore the first question to start this off is..... (drum rolls)

In your opinion, which one of the following do you think is worse and why? A fear of eating or a love of eating?

I already have my opinion on this topic and I think a lot of us probably feel the same way but I am curious what you think. Next week Monday I will make a post on what I think about this topic. I look forward to reading what you think. I will be posting my final progress for my 90day Fitness Challenge which ends today either tomorrow morning or late this afternoon so until then! 

Thanks for reading :D

Checking In

Hey Folks!

What's up? I hope that everyone is having a good week, seeing results, living happy and is stress free!

 I am sick :( Last week I had such high hopes for how much exercising I was going to do this week because it was my last 11 days of my fitness "Challenge" and I got sick:(  Honestly, I think my body is telling me heck no we don't like your plans!...lol So, I got sabotaged by my own body! Go FIGURE!  Right now I feel fine enough, I do have a persistent cough, I haven't taken anything for it which is probably why it is still hanging around. I have tried a few times to exercise but I just start coughing or I get light headed so I had to give up on that idea. Therefore, I am working on getting my health in order, I am taking it easy and just relaxing. 

Because I am sick, I have lost my appetite so I pretty much just eat one meal a day which is usually lunch, and I have one fruit usually an orange or banana for dinner and breakfast. Last night I ate some ice cream because I had hoped it would help to ease my sore throat. (I hope you believed that lie because I don't...lol) Honestly, I thought I deserved some ice cream! (Isn't it interesting that we think of food as being a reward rather than just substance that we need to live?)

On a good note I am back to 191.2! Yaaaay me! I am excited about where I am headed. I hope I don't gain the weight back!(Positive thinking I will keep the weight off) My 7day break from the bc pills ended yesterday :(  I am terrified that the cravings and the mood swings will come back. I am just going to have to be strong and fight it. I talked to my doctor about changing it and he told me to give it 3 months. I kind of expected him to say that. He is a man he doesn't understand what troubles we women face. Nevertheless, I am going to be a sport about it. I am going to give it 2 more months and if I still don't like it, I am going to find someone else who will give me a new prescription. 

That's pretty much all I wanted to talk about in this post. Again thanks for reading! 

I want your body!

... But am I willing to do what it takes to get it (or something close to it anyways)?

I was looking at a picture of a woman the other day and I said to myself wow I want your body! Almost instantly another thought came to my mind which was are you willing to do what it takes to get it? Then I thought for a minute about what it would take to get her body. Then I thought about it long and hard I would have to work. Then I asked myself again, am I willing to do what it takes to get my body to look like that (if it was possible of course)? Honestly, I have yet to come up with a real answer to that question. The truth is I have a good idea of what works for me, however the fact that I am still on a roller coaster ride as far as my weight is concerned proves that I am not willing to do whatever it takes to get my body where I want it to be. While it is valid to blame, Tom or meds on my fluctuations the truth of the matter is I don't always do what needs to be done. I still eat junk food because I feel like it. Watching food commercials on tv make me hungry but I still watch a lot of television. The only thing I think I have really stuck with is limiting how much ice cream I eat. I have not had ice cream for a month and I used to eat it every week  Nevertheless, I am a work in progress. It may take me a while but I am working on it. Here in lies my dilemma, I may not always do what it takes to get my body where I want it to be but do do it sometimes. Additionally, I am doing less of what I did to get my body to look how it looked when I first realised that I needed to do something about it (if you could follow that). Like I said, I am a work in progress...lol

Something I just realised today is that I only have 11 days left in my 90 day fitness challenge. I cant believe 79 days have passed since I started this challenge. I have had some ups and some downs. February was definitely my best month in terms of exercising and March was my best month in terms of weigh loss. Yesterday when I went on the scale I was back down to 194.6 which I thought was interesting because the day before that I was at 198. All of which convinced me that the scale is corrupt and shouldn't be taken seriously. Even though I know its a bad idea I still judge my success on the number the scale says. This is insanity at it's best. 

Thanks for reading! Happy April's Fools, please don't fall for any pranks today! Especially not from your scales. Enjoy your weekend. 

Lessons Learned: #3? Update where I have been

Hey Everyone!

I am so sorry that I haven't blogged lately, I think it has almost been 2 weeks since I last posted something. Honestly, I have no idea how long it has been because I don't keep track of days. But I have missed you all and I will be reading your blogs and catching up with everything that is going on. I feel so out of the loop. I have been really, really, really, really, really, moody lately. I am still blaming it on the new bc pills. I think the estrogen levels in that pills are too high for me because I have turned into an angry black woman, and I think you all know that stereotype. I am so angry I am snapping at the air. Like I sit in my room being pissed at the world! What the heck? Seriously, I am pissed because my walls are white and my bed sheets are green! (Green is my favourite colour by the way). On top of that my craving are out of control and TOM will be visiting this week and yeah I could complain for days but I won't. I said all that, to say I didn't blog because I didn't want to share my misery.

What has been going on besides that? I am still doing Turbo Fire. I am on week 6 or 7 (oops I can't remember I have to check my calender) I am so pleased with my progress. I have gained some weight but I am still under 200lbs but just barely. I am around 198lbs now I know some of that is water weight and some of that is from horrible snacking. I had set a goal to in the 180s by the end of this month and I won't make that but it is ok, because I am still happy with the progress that I am making. I am way more physically fit! My cardio is improving, I am gaining upper body strength! I can do push ups yall! I could not do push ups at the beginning of this year. I had no upper body strength but I do now. Granted I can only do five full push ups but it is still progress! Don't hate me cause I can do five instead of zero!...lol I will probably talk more about this in another post though. This is about lessons learned. These are things that I have learned over time... 

1. It is important to have non scale goals! I should reword that to say non scale goals should have top priority!: I say this because there are a number of things that can affect your weight. For example, meds, stress, lack of sleep, muscle formation and if you only rely on the scale you will get discouraged! You will probably want to give up when the number on the scale goes up. But if you are achieving non scale goals even when the scale does show gain you will less likely be affected by it. The only thing that is keeping me dedicated to working out is that my body is changing for the better! And my challenge is focusing on physical fitness. I am definitely improving as far as that is concerned and even when I feel fat I am still happy. 
2. Do not measure your success (or lack there of) on someone else's progress. I am assuming that we all read blogs (blonde moment?) Sometimes, we see other people making huge progress while they struggle and we may get a bit competitive (jealous?) that that person is losing weight while we are still struggling. Don't worry about the other person. Stay focused on yourself. This journey is about you and you alone. Some people are extremely lucky and they seem to go to sleep fat and wake up skinny ( I remember when I was one of those persons ;)) Different circumstances = different experiences, just do what works for you and be happy with the progress that you are making. Even if it seems like you are losing slowly.  
3. Plan workouts/food in advance: Do not just wing it. Know exactly what you want to eat for the day, write it down and stick to it. If however, you give into temptation, forgive yourself and move on! Whenever I don't plan my workouts I don't do it. Of course my workouts are planned for me already but I still have to write down what I want to achieve. 
4. Push through your workouts: Unless you are light headed. you have cramps/physical pain, your heart is beating too rapidly, or you feel like you are going to vomit, there is absolutely no reason for you to stop exercising just because you feel "tired". If you want to see progress, you have to push yourself beyond what you think is you max Now I am not saying you should kill yourself while exercising. I am just saying sometimes I get this voice in my head while I am exercising that discourages me. It says to me let's stop because it is too hot! Or it would say, I don't feel like exercising today, I am getting tired. We can do this later, DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT VOICE! That is probably the same voice that tells you to buy the chocolate bar or that tub of ice cream. If you ignore that voice you will feel 50times better once you are done with your workout than if you quit early. 
5. If you do exercise DVDs, keep track of how much time is left before you are done: If you are doing a 20min work out session and you make it to 10mins you can make it to the end. Most workout dvds leave the last 5mins for cool down so if you can make it half way you can make it to the end. This kind of ties into my previous point. This is especially if you only feel tired and only if there are no other signs of exhaustion.
6. Finally if you need to take a short break take your break and drink some water then get back into it. The important thing is that you get it done. It doesn't matter how long you take. Next time you just take a shorter break until you get to the point that you don't need breaks anymore. 

This time around my lessons learned focused on exercising because that has been my focus lately. I love to exercise. It is a struggle for me to start, but once I get into it I truly enjoy the sweating and all that comes along with it. I did Fire Ez 55 today and 30mins through I wanted to give up but I said to myself if you can do 30mins you can finish and I finished and I decided that I would write this  blog post. I am going to probably do hip hop abs or maybe Fire 45 once I finished this post or maybe both who knows? I burned 412 calories with Fire Ez 55 which is impressive because when I did it for the very first time I only burned 250 calories. Up until today my record high was 380. I think that 412 calories in 55 mins is way cool :D I have never burned that much in one workout! I am almost tempted to do that again. But I am not that crazy! That workout is a killer it is no joke...lol 

Anyways I hope everyone is doing great. I promise I will make posts more frequently. I have an update on roaccutane, I have an update on my fitness challenge. I want to do a book review (maybe) We will see what comes up!

Thanks for reading!

Update pictures Day 60 of 90days to better fitness.

I added  pictures from when I started, my update picture at 30 days and now my 60 day picture.  While I can say that I can see changes in the way my clothes fit. I still cannot see much changes in the pictures. The one in the pink is my most recent picture. I really don't know what is up with my mugshot stance either...lol 

I took one in the mirror as well and it's below Sorry about the spots I have to clean the mirror.

I will post my measurements in a separate post I have to find the measuring tape. 

Hey Everyone :D Week in Review? Rant about new Bc Pills.

First off I would like to welcome all my new followers and readers :D I appreciate your support.

This week has been an extremely rough week for me. I may have mentioned this in my Roaccutane post, I do not remember but I started new birth control pills called Diane 35 and those pills have caused me to be on an eating frenzy. I have been battling constant cravings and hunger since Monday. Even now I am sitting here thinking about food and I just ate! At first I was thinking maybe it's because last week I ate mostly  raw during the week. So maybe my body is just craving the things that I didn't eat last week, but then my other mind told me to read some reviews on the new pills. I read about 50+reviews and about 45 of them complained about the cravings. 

Because of the cravings I gained almost 5lbs since Monday. Monday I weighed 190.6 Today I weight 195.8! Seriously?? This is the first time I have ever gained weight while taking bc pills. The first one I tried was "Yaz" but it gave me really bad chest pains, so I had to switch pills. The one I was on for the longest was femiane and while it did make my skin look horrible, I did not gain weight while I was on it. Another thing I hate about these new pills is I think they give me headaches. I take them at night and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a slight headache. They make me moody. I am ready to snap at everyone! Really? I am a woman, I deal with moodiness without being on the pill! I don't need any extra help. My breasts are sore at hell, I have ankle pain which I haven't had since I started working out and I am all together in a crappy mood!

It has only been a week and I already feel like these pills are a no go. So I am going to get them changed. One of the pros that persons mention about these pills is that taking it gives them clear skin, I have had acne since I was 16 and while I know the importance of having clear skin in this case the cons outweighs the pros for me. 

Honestly, this week I am calling a total failure. Can I get a do over? Of course, but my do over will probably start on Monday. I know it is best to get back on the horse right after you fall off but right now I can't  be bothered. It's the weekend, I am going to work on my mood because I am still pissed for not reason! Oh ya'll don't know how much I am hating these pills. It's like pms all over again. Pray for me. I hope everyone else is having a better week. I still have to post my update pictures. I will do that sometime today. Thanks for reading I appreciate your support thanks :D

Raw Diet: My Decision and First Reactions to it

Sometimes I feel like a scratched record because I tend to repeat what I say. With that being said if you read my blog you know that health is my main motivation for getting fit. Of course, I am human and I have superficial motives as well but my main focus is my health. If you read my blog regularly you know that I focus more on exercise than I do nutrition. Most of my posts about nutrition is mainly about my efforts to include more fruits and veggies into my diet or my efforts to increase my water intake. Before my decision to eat raw, I hadn't made any drastic changes to my diet. Side note: Depending on what website you read the definition of what a raw diet is varies. To me it means eating foods that can be properly digested by the body in its natural state. Of course it is food that does not go through a cooking process. 

Honestly, I don't know what sparked my decision, I guess my week of bad eating 2 weeks ago had affected me so much so that I felt like I needed a drastic change. So, on Sunday I spoke with Sir and I told him that I was going to do a week of eating only raw foods (fruits, nuts, seeds and veggies) and Monday he reminded me of it. 

Monday morning I got up I had fruit for breakfast, and then I had salad for lunch and after that I was ready to give up. My stomach was content I was not hungry at all, but I just missed what I couldn't have. I talked to Sir again and he was really encouraging and he told me to just go through with day 1 and then if I still feel like I want to give up then I could. That day I had also eaten a heap load of nuts. Which I now know was a bad idea. The rest of the week went fairly well and I did not get as tempted to give up as I did in the beginning. 

Noted Differences/ Side Effects:

Negatives:

Constipation: Self explanatory. I drank cleansing tea one time to help with this. 

Bad tempered: I was easily irritated, especially on Thursday and Friday

Itchy Skin: My skin is itching. My blood has the tendency to get acidic sometimes especially when I eat too much fruits and nuts. Right now it is still bearable but I have a few hives/mosquito like bumps on my back and I think its from eating too much nuts and fruits last week. 

Lack of Sleep: The first three nights I did not sleep well at all. However, I have that from time to time so I can't with certainty blame it on my diet change. 

Mucous Buildup: I don't know if this is in my mind but I feel like my throat is more slippery feeling that usual. 

Positives: 

Less cravings: I have not craved sweets at all this week. I haven't craved ice cream either. But the true test will be when TOM is knocking on my door so this is too soon to judge. 

Fuller feeling for longer periods of time: I have been less hungry this week. Blame it on the fibre.

Feeling of accomplishment: Normally I give in to impulses but being able to avoid temptation and feeling good about it is cool to me. I usually regret not eating something that I really want. 

I lost about 5lbs last week: I have never lost 5lbs in a week before. I find it incredible that I was able to lose weight while I was constipated. Although I am happy about it I am not getting my hopes up because it is probably water weight. I am not only doing this solely to lose weight. In fact there are some people that gain weight eating raw. I guess though I am not one of those persons that gain weight eating raw but its only been a week. 

So far* I am still early in this type of eating and I know from experience that restricting my diet isn't always a good idea. In fact it is usually a bad idea. But I believe that I have grown enough to be able to resist temptation or at least I am believing that I have grown enough to be able to stop myself from overindulging in times when I slip up. Doing this is preparing me for how I intend to eat for the rest of my life. I am not going to ever be 100% raw. I believe that there should be a balance between eating cooked foods and eating raw foods. I believe that us humans eat way too much cooked foods and not enough raw foods. I hope to be 75% of a raw eater and 25% cooked. I think variety is what is best. To read more about this you can search google, for a more general idea you can click HERE.  That website does a good job of explaining what raw eating it and the health risks associated with it. If you have any questions feel free to ask. One more thing: I said that I eat meat and cook foods on the weekend, last weekend I ate chicken with my salad for lunch and the other two meals were completely raw. 

Finally my disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist, I am not telling you to try this. You SHOULD NOT try this without talking to your doctor especially if you have diabetes or are hypoglycemic. These are my personal experiences. Everyone reacts differently to things. 

Weekly Goals

Its been a while since I posted my goals for the week. But I want to get back into it because it keeps me accountable.

Goals

• Get through week 5 of Turbo Fire: I am supposed to be starting week 6 however I switched to a semi "raw" food diet last week and I also start Roaccutane and  I wanted to see how my body would react to the switch and to the meds (it's too soon for that I know) so I did not do turbo Fire like I should have. So I am going to redo week 5. So even though I exercised really hard from Monday to Wednesday the rest of the week was a flunk...
• Eat Raw foods only from Monday to Friday: On the weekend I plan on eating meat/fish or cheat food item. I am going to talk about my raw experience from last week in another post. But basically I eat salads, fruits and nuts (very few nuts though). I do put a little bit of salad dressing on my salad. It is regular salad dressing and I only use about a table spoon. for my entire salad. I am not a fan of salad dressing but I do like the cucumber ranch flavour from Kraft. Eventually I will switch to fat free dressing. I will go into more details as to why I decided to eat the way I do in another post. 
• Take some time to relax and enjoy life. I have no idea how I am going to do this yet but I will let you know next week! 

Sugarstacks.com

Bored as always I was searching the net and I came across this website that is quite interesting. It is called sugarstacks.com If you are like me and you read the label of a food item and you see 20grams of sugar and it doesn't really alarm you because it doesn't seem like that much sugar, go to that site and you will be amazed just how much sugar is in the foods that we eat! Check the site out if you are interested and let me know what your first impression was because mine was HOLY SHIT! :O...

Roaccutane...

Anyone suffering from severe acne knows that it is a pain in the ass. Acne became a problem for me when i turned 16. For a while I was able to control it with over the counter drugs such as clearasil and neutrogena but eventually those didn't work anymore. I had gotten frustrated and even gave up trying to do anything about it, I finally got tired of that and I decided to go to the dermatologist. 

I went to the dermatologist for the first time 4 years ago when I has a really bad skin rash. It had started on one part of my body and after a few months of ignoring that it had engulfed my entire body and it was making its way up to my face. That was when I decided to go to the doctor to get it checked out. At that time my acne was fairly under control and the rash was severe so my doctor only treated me for the rash but didn't give me anything for the acne. (I was also suffering from hyperthyroidism at that time and I had a really short fuse so I was pissed that he didn't give me anything for my acne. I wanted to vandalize his car at the very least...) So I was a bit upset that he wasn't ready to treat my acne and I promised that I would never go back to him, but I finally gave in 4 years later and went back. I could have opted to see another skin doctor but honestly he is THE BEST on the island! And his arrogance shows that he knows it. Another reason why I went to him is because drinking water and exercising has not helped my skin at all, in fact I think it made it worse. In addition I am 27! Who wants acne at 27? Not me!

This post was supposed to be about accutane right? I was just giving you a background on my acne. Like I said I decided to go back to the skin doctor and he didnt even ask me why I came he was like, The FACE! (he is gay so yea he was a bit flamboyant with it) I still have a short fuse... But I managed to keep it controlled and I said nothing to him. And he said, "Girlfriend we have to do something about your face!" I finally said that is why I am here. So he did this two second look over and he went behind his desk and started writing out prescriptions. I got new birth control pills, I got three creams and finally he said he would put me on accutane.  I am a tv addict. And I have seen the lawsuits about accutane (short description accutane(brand) in a really strong acne med and it come with numerous health risks and it is 100% risk to fetal development) and I guess he saw the concern on my face because he told me that there are some side effects of taking the drug but its usually worse for people who take it for over 2 years.  After that he asked me over and over if I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. Usually the doctor is supposed to do a pregnancy test on you before prescribing it and you are supposed to be on bc for a month before taking it. But I know I am not pregnant and I have been consistingly taking them for I think five months now plus my boyfriend lives across a big ocean so there is no chance I will get pregnant between now and the end of May. 

I will be taking my third pill today. So far everything is still good. Apparently what the drug does is that it shrinks your oil glands and and thats how it prevents acne. (in basic terms.). As I mentioned before there are a lot of possible side effects for this drug. I will not get into it but if you are interested you can click HERE and there you can read more about it.  Among the many side effects is muscle ache. And it is advised not to do vigorous exercises while taking accutane. Therefore, I may have to temporarily quit Turbo Fire.(I have already limited my workouts to just Turbo Fire) I have just started taking it so I have not had any side effects yet. I take 20mgs once a day. He only gave me three weeks worth, I have to get my liver function checked within these three weeks then I will go back to see him on the 31st which is the end of these three weeks and he will tell me how long I will have to take accutane. I know that the risks of complication on this drug increase if you are obese/overweight (which I am) so I am happy that I am on a weight loss journey and taking these pills gives me another reason to take care of my health. I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity and I am down to 190.6lbs So if everything continues as planned and if I don't gain weight on the new bc pills I should be in the 180s by next friday :D As promised I will have update pictures and measurements on Thursday. 

If you have any questions about accutane that the website doesn't answer or if you want me to do updates on this let me know. Thanks for reading I appreciate it.