I am happy

After suffering from depression for at least half my years on this earth, it feels good to finally be HAPPY. I woke up this morning and I am filled with so much joy that I can honestly say that I am HAPPY. I have a great relationship with my husband, I have a good relationship with my family but best of all I have a great relationship with myself. Of course there are things that I want to change about myself mainly my weight but for now I am very content with being HAPPY. I just wanted to share... 

For those of you that are sad and feeling depressed, know that you won't feel like that forever, find someone to talk to that will LISTEN to you. For those of you that knows someone that is suffering from depression just LISTEN to them and support them with your love and presence. You don't have to know what to say to them to make them feel better. Chances are they wont believe anything positive that you are saying. If all else fails get professional help.

Until my next post. 

Be blessed and happy

Summer is almost over :( Updates

Ever worked out for an hour and then looked in the mirror afterwards to see if you lost any 20lbs? Please tell me I am not the only one that does that. 

Hey Everyone!

I really thought that I would be more active on here this summer but life actually laziness got in the way and I neglected to update my blog. Nevertheless, I hope that you all are enjoying the summer. I have surely been enjoying mine because I can just feel that I gained about 10lbs. As far as my actual weight is concerned I have no idea how much I currently weigh but I am guessing its anywhere between 187 and 195. That's just based on what I see in the mirror. I am praying that I am not over 195lbs.  I am thinking about buying a scale but I am afraid that if I see 200lbs or even 190lbs on the scale I will give up again.

Therefore, for now I am just blissfully ignorant and just focusing on getting fit. I will probably wait until I get back home next weekend to weigh myself and hopefully by then the number that I see on the scale will not look so scary. I know that the scale should not be my only focus on this journey however  I am motivated to eat right and exercise when I see the number on the scale go down. I have finally made up my mind that my goal weight is 130lbs and I AM going to be at the weight by March of next year. My goal for the end of this year is to be at 150lbs. I know I can do it I just have to put in the work and make certain sacrifices. I keep promising to post some updated pictures I will do that tomorrow morning and I will also post my goals for next week. 

Thanks for reading

Talk to you in another post.

Short some what of an update...

Just wanted to leave a message to say that I am still alive and I haven't fallen off the planet. Right now I am on vacation from school and I haven't really been doing much in terms of staying on my weight loss/ fitness journey. I am staying my with mother and she loves to cook and  she always have drinks in the house and so its hard for me to fight temptation. So I have been drinking and eating everything in sight.

 I swear I gained like 10lbs in the 2 weeks that I have been here so I probably weight around 188lbs I do not have a scale so it could be more.  When I left home I was about 178lbs. Yesterday I started working out again in order to curve whatever damage I am doing to myself. I kinda put my foot in my mouth and I told my workout partners that when we returned from vacation that I would be the same size I was when I left if not smaller so yea if I go back heavier cause I wouldn't hear the end of it so I have to get this weight back off before I go home. I plan to leave on the 20th of next month. Therefore I cannot go back home fat. It is not happening.

 I will try to post some updated pictures and just discuss more of what is going on with me next week. Right now I am trying to work out a work out schedule that I can stick with.

Until next time

My blogging has been scarce because I do not really have anything to blog about. My days come and they go and I try my best to lower the number on the scale. Yes I am still at the point where I am weighing myself everyday and hoping that I see a change in the number that appears in the scale. This post is going to be quite random because I just came just to post something.

I am down to 187lbs but I feel bloated today so even though technically I am thinner I do not feel thinner. I am starting to notice cellulite on my legs. I dread them so much because when I was 200+ lbs I didnt have them so I try not to look down at my legs too often. I have to do some research to see what I can do to combat them.

I have been really diligent with walking. I like walking because I do not feel as though I am exercising, i5 doesnt make me sore and I do not dread it. I am thinking about starting T25 again but whenever I start the dvd my mood goes down. I think that I will probably end up doing Body Revolution by Jillian Michaels because at least her workouts incorporate weights.  I dont want to think negatively about working out.  Until I make up my mind I will just continue walking. Oh I do jump rope in the afternoon as well.


School will be closing soon. Then summer is fast approaching and  I wont be able to walk as much because of the bugs so I will have  to figure out a home workout program asap.

Anyways I am going to cut this short. I think I have rambled long enough...lol

Hope everyone is having a great week. It is FRIDAY tomorrow . I am sooooooooooo excited because I only have two teaching periods. I love my job but the kids make me weary sometimes. If I do not post again before the weekend enjoy your weekend and have a fit week.

Current picture and week filled with temptation.

current Taken 10  May 2014

My husband is not here and so I had to took my picture in the mirror. please excuse my bed.  But this is a current picture of me. I am so proud of the hard work that I have done. In the picture I am 189lbs . I am looking forward to losing another 30lb by the end of the year. Honestly though I am trying to lose another 30lbs by august. That is when I go shopping for clothes for school.

This week I ate horribly(thanks to PMS) and because of the weather I only walked three days  out of the usual five days. I am going to make up for it next week though by going walking for 2hours next week instead of my usual 1.5hours. This weekend I want to do a couple of workout dvds maybe some Turbo fire or some t25 workouts just to do something different.

Losing weight is hard but I am not giving up this time. Regardless of how many times I stumble I intend to brush myself off , suck it up and do what I have to do. 

Beginning of 2014

Weight loss and Emotions.

I remember when I weighed 220lbs for the second time. I was devastated that I had allowed myself to regain the weight. However, I was still content with things because I allowed myself to slip into denial. I avoided the scale and I wore clothes that were comfortable or a little bigger because for some reason it made me feel not so big. Then after my 7 year old nephew asked me why I was fat something clicked in my brain that told me that it was time for a change. 

As a result I decided that I was going to try to lose weight again. I imagined how happy I would be to be under 200lbs again. Then I imagined what it would be like to be in the 190s and then the 180s. Today I weigh 189lbs and I am not at all excited about what I have accomplished. Well, that is not exactly true. I am happy that I am finally committing to losing weight again. But the joy that I excepted to feel doesn't live up to how I actually feel.Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to have to deal with so much emotions. It seems so unavoidable. I think that everyone who goes on a weight loss journey or A lifestyle change has moments where their emotions take over and they struggle. Sometimes I feel bipolar. Because tomorrow actually be excited that summer is coming and I may get to wear a bikini...lol

Anyways, My short term goal is 175lbs. I chose 175lbs because its the lowest I got to before I started to slip up again. My ultimate goal weight has yet to be determined but I think that it will range anywhere between 130 - 150lbs. I am going to weigh 150 by the end of August. I am putting it out in the atmosphere...lol

Coworkers and Weight loss

I am a bad blogger I know! However, since I started teaching my desire to do any thinking outside of school hours has become none existent and I struggle with posting because it requires thought and focus and that I something that my darling demons angels take away from me. I hope that makes sense. 

Recently.  I was told by a co worker that I shouldn't lose any more weight. If you havent guest it already I lost some weight ....lol About 30lbs, I did it by cutting back on overeating and walking five days a week. I will post pictures in my another post. This post is about my coworker. 

On Friday I went to work and I was about to sign in and the cleaning lady (who is extremely overweight) came to me and was like please don't lose any more weight. Then she smiled and walked off.  All I could think was seriously? Yes I know that I have lost a considerable amount of weight to them but I am in no way shape or form thin or close to being too thin. I weigh 190lbs and I am 5feet 4.5 inches. I can stand to lose another 50lbs with ease. 

Why is it that persons are always trying to tell others that they have lost enough weight? I wouldn't go to her and tell her that she should start losing weight. The lady is like 300lbs easy. I wouldn't comment about her weight period. If she is happy at the weight that she is at, more power to her, I respect that. But dont tell me how much I should weigh

This has always been the part that I hated about losing weight. I always hated when someone noticed that I had lost weight and pointed it out to me. I would rather my transformation be invisible to others so I wouldnt have to listen to their comments. Having someone tell me that I lost weight annoys me just as much as someone telling me that I gained weight. When did it become ok to talk to someone about their weight. Are you my doctor? I am sorry but I had to go on that lil rant...lol 

Do you think that I am overreacting though? How do you deal with similar situations?

Talk to you in my next post hopefully it wont be months from now. ...lol

Off the wagon for a min...

But getting back on with a vengeance. Two weeks ago tom disrupted my flow and I got really sick this time around and I was throwing up for over an hour then my chest and my head were hurting because of it so I stopped working out. Then when tom was over I had this mad craving for everything sugary so I was eating everything in sight that was sweet. Even things that I normally would not eat. 

My mind and my future body was like are you sure you want to do this? And I was like F U and I am my own person so fo sho! Luckily though the cravings have finally diminished and my desire to workout has returned so I am going to push myself extra hard today and I will be doing 2 hours of exercise today and I plan on getting back on the wagon and keeping this moving. It doesn't matter how much I fall off this year my goal is to get back up and start over.

With that being said my January challenge was a slight fail. Any weight that I may have lost I am certain that I probably gained it back. I will be taking pictures tomorrow morning before I go to work so that I am post it on here as my new current/before pictures. Once I have posted this I will weigh myself on my wii fit so that I can track my weight loss this week. I will start weighing in every Sunday morning. at least for the month of February.

I hope that everyone else is doing better than I did.

Happy fit2014 Until next time

Weekly Check in

Hey Whats up Doc????

Its been 15 days since I have started working out again and it has definitely been a journey. I know that its only been 15 days but the mental struggles that I go through while working out or rather while trying to lose some weight is always overwhelming.

I think that for me the most overwhelming part of trying to lose weight is understanding that I will not instantly see changes in my body. It is going to take more than 15days for me to see a noticeable change in the way my clothes are fitting or even to feel differently physically. I am talking about this because I took some pictures of myself today sort of like a mid month picture and now I feel so embarrassed by the way I looked that a HUGE part of me just wanted to say eff it and give up. Luckily the sane part of my brain reminded me that change doesn't happen overnight. I have to be patient, I have to be diligent and I have to work hard.  I have to stay focused and keep my eyes on my goals and what I want to accomplish.

Workouts I worked out everyday this week. I am getting older so yea I have no idea what I did on what days but I did work out everyday this week for at least 30mins. I am still doing Jillian Michaels Body Revolutions workouts. I have started workouts 3 and 4. I did four t25 workouts this week. 2 cardio one ab focus and 1 lower focus and I did turbo fire fire 30 yesterday evening. Next week I will try to write down exactly what workouts I did. Before this post I did JMBR workout 4. Later today I want to do Hitt 15 from Turbo Fire and maybe I will do some kinda stretch workout mostly the one from Focus T25. Because my body feels a bit stiff.

That is all I have to report for right now. I hope that everyone else is doing great.

Until next time

Happy Fit2014

Semi Struggles Days 3 and 4 of 30 Day Fitness Challenge

Hello Peeps,

Today is day 4 of my Fit2014 challenge if I can call it that. One of my resolutions was to workout for at least 10minutes everyday. So far I can say that I have been getting it in. Yes I know its only been 4 days and its probably way too early to blow my own horn but hey its may life and my post I can be happy if I wanna...lol :P 

With that being said I have been struggling with eating. I do not eat enough especially since school has reopened. I miss breakfast and lunch and I usually eat when I go home at 4pm and I do not eat again until 4pm the next day. The truth is that I am not hungry before 4pm and by the time I am hungry again in the after it is around 10pm (if I am still awake) and I do not eat after 6pm. I know that I am going to have to make some effort to prepare breakfast and lunch in the mornings but for now it is what it is. Before my funds are non existing right now meaning that I am broke I cannot buy things that I can snack on because I have to wait until I get paid at the end of the month. (High five for the persons living pay check to pay check) 

If my eating continues as such I do not expect to lose a great deal of weight this month. I know how my body works, whenever I skip meals while working out I usually maintain my weight or I gain a little bit. Regardless of what the scale says in February I am not going to let that discourage me. I am losing weight because I have a heap load of clothes in my closet that I cannot wear because I have gained too much weight and I want to wear them again. I can be so vain sometimes...lol

Workouts

Day 3  Focus T25 Cardio (25mins)

Day 4: Jillian Michaels Workout 1 (30mins) and  Focus T25 Speed 1.0 (25 mins)

I am out of shape...

Well damn Sam....

Hello Everyone,

As promised I will be showing you current pictures of myself taken on the 4th of January 2014. Its strange how when I look in the mirror and I look at pictures of myself they don't look the same. I find that when I look in the mirror I don't think I look as bad as I do in pictures. Seeing pictures of myself yesterday really made me feel self cautious of my looks. All that being said it is what it is, I am going to use that negative to help motivate myself to changing my body into a lean mean fitting machine. 

Workout updates. 

Yesterday was the official start of my get fit journey. I decided that I would try to complete Jillian Michaels Body Revolution (<--link to official website) for the month of January. I have had the program for a while but I have never made it past week 2. I get bored of Jillian Michaels really quickly. Regardless I decided to give it another chance because I like that it involves circuit training and weight training and that is something that I have rarely done in the past. In addition I chose this workout plan because its 30minutes. I will not be doing the cardio workouts that come with the program I will substitute it for some other cardio workout depending on my mood.  Like I said I get bored of Jillian really easy and I would rather get my cardio from a different trainer.

Day 1 of 30

JM Body Revolution workout 1: 30mins: I completed the workout, but every part of my body was sore within the first 10minutes. Let me tell you I really wanted to quit. To get through I kept reminding myself of why I am doing this and what I want to accomplish. I am working out but I really don't want to do it at all. It is tough for me to do something against my will and its frustrating because I do want to lose the weight but its a mental struggle. I hate that I have to fight myself to do something that benefits me.

Day 2 of 30

JM Body Revolution Workout 2: 30mins. The workout went the same as day 1 I did not want to do it at all. But I pushed through and I am happy that I did it. I am so unmotivated right now and I think that this is where setting goals are important because it gives me that extra push even though the motivation is lacking. I am praying that it gets better with time. I am sure it will but either way I will be working out everyday for I am just going to have to get used to it. 

Stats: Taken January 5th 2014 Next Update February 4th 2014

Waist (belly button area) 39.5 inches  I have a beer belly and I don't even drink beer like wtf?

boobs (fullest area) 44.5

right arm: 14.5

left arm 15

thighs 27inch (both)

butt 43inches (roundest part) (I have a flat ish booty squats will take care of that though.)

I still have to post the picture of me in the jeans that I want to try to fit into by my next official stats update. If I don't do it today it will be tomorrow.

Until Next time thanks for reading and for your support :D
Happy fit 2014

Goals for 2014

How do you do????

I have contemplated what my goal/resolutions would be this year. I am tired of adding lose weight on my list. It truly makes me want to do things that I can't mention on here because it would only cause you to think that I am as crazy as I really am...lol Well in other words I will be revealing how crazy I am. Anyways, its another year and yes losing weight did make the list again but I am going to word it differently. Another thing that I am doing differently is to make monthly resolutions rather than a list that I will stick( or not) to for the whole year. So here goes these are my goals for January 2014.

1. Get fit: I will be working out Everyday for at least 10minutes a day. I can do 10 minutes a day. I could have said 20minutes but I know that I can talk myself out of finishing a 20minute workout but 10 minutes! I can do 10minutes! Even when I dont feel like working out I can do it for 10mins.

2. Blog at least once a week. In my weekly blogs I will post about how I am doing that week. What I did or am planning to do in terms of working out and eating and yeah all the works. I will aim to blog more frequently of course but at the very least I will blog once a week.

3. Drink only water. For the month of January I will not be drinking away my calories. I had more than my fair share of  sugary drinks during my Christmas holiday anyways.

4. Write down everything that I eat. Self explanatory in February I will think about planning some kind of portion control or calorie counting type scheme thingy (<---- ?!?! yea that)

Every Friday I will report on how I did in terms of sticking to my goals.

So yea that is basically my goals for January. What are your goals? Leave a link to your post or tell me in the comment box. Good luck! If 2013 was a crappy year hopefully 2014 will make up for it. I will be posting my stats and picture in tomorrow's post. I am not weighing myself until February 3rd. I do not want to sabotage my journey and discourage myself before I begin.  But I will make a current picture and take measurements to help me track my progress. I also have a personal challenge that I will be posting about tomorrow as well called "In Those Jeans". Basically, I will be trying to fit into an old pair of jeans that I have.

Until next time! Happy New Year and have a blessed weekend!

Happy New Year?

 Happy New Year

Its been way too long since I have been on here. Where did the time go? I have been meaning to come back on here for so long but honestly I could not bring myself to log on. Every day I would put it off and say tomorrow and tomorrow turned into days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and you know the rest. I suffer from anxiety (undiagnosed but I know my body( shout out to Olivia from the Cosby Show)) and the blog had become a source of anxiety for me, I couldn't face my failures on here. Strange now that I am looking back on it I wish I hadn't stayed away for so long but that's now split milk and today is a brand new day.

But I am back and if anyone is still there to read my ramblings then I appreciate it and I am sorry that I left without a word.( I promise that I won't do it again.)

Updates: A lot has happened since I have been gone. I am still married June will make 3 years. If you remember my husband is from Holland and I am Bahamian and we lived apart for our entire 5 year relationship (prior to marriage) and then once we got married he moved to be with me. We used to live in Nassau (capital) but now we live in Andros (largest Bahamian island). I moved the Andros to teach Spanish in the local government high school. I still do not have any kiddos I may try for one this year though we will see. I havent weighed myself but I am certain that I regained all the weight that I lost. I am praying that I did not gain over my highest weight though that would suck. I do not weigh myself and I do not own a traditional scale I do have my wii fit but that is not plugged in.

All that leads to why I am back. I am finally ready to lose the weight, keep it off and I really missed interacting with my blog friends. I hope some of you are still there and that you remember me I missed you all :(

I will be posting my goals for this year in another post but I just wanted to say hi and explain a little bit of why I was gone. 

Again Happy New Year and Thanks for stopping by