I remember when I weighed 220lbs for the second time. I was devastated that I had allowed myself to regain the weight. However, I was still content with things because I allowed myself to slip into denial. I avoided the scale and I wore clothes that were comfortable or a little bigger because for some reason it made me feel not so big. Then after my 7 year old nephew asked me why I was fat something clicked in my brain that told me that it was time for a change.
As a result I decided that I was going to try to lose weight again. I imagined how happy I would be to be under 200lbs again. Then I imagined what it would be like to be in the 190s and then the 180s. Today I weigh 189lbs and I am not at all excited about what I have accomplished. Well, that is not exactly true. I am happy that I am finally committing to losing weight again. But the joy that I excepted to feel doesn't live up to how I actually feel.Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to have to deal with so much emotions. It seems so unavoidable. I think that everyone who goes on a weight loss journey or A lifestyle change has moments where their emotions take over and they struggle. Sometimes I feel bipolar. Because tomorrow actually be excited that summer is coming and I may get to wear a bikini...lol
Anyways, My short term goal is 175lbs. I chose 175lbs because its the lowest I got to before I started to slip up again. My ultimate goal weight has yet to be determined but I think that it will range anywhere between 130 - 150lbs. I am going to weigh 150 by the end of August. I am putting it out in the atmosphere...lol
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