Any One Still there????

Hey Folks :D

I know its been ages since I was on here last and A LOT has happened and I have been extremely busy and for that reason I couldnt come on here. I apologize for simply vanishing without so much as a warning that I would be gone a while but I have missed you all and I have missed blogging as well... I will be back with a proper post at the end of this week I just wanted to say HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! Hope everyone is doing great :D

Until next time.

Hey Everyone!

It has been a long long long time since I have been inspired to write something on here. I opened up blogger dashboard a couple of times to post something but I couldn't bring myself to post an update. All of a sudden blogger became a source of anxiety for me. At first, I told myself that I wasn't posting because I had nothing to post about, and then I said to myself that I am not posting because I am not doing anything exercise/diet related. I had completely abandoned my quest to get fit. I just couldn't be bothered. The truth is I think I was a bit down about how I wasn't progressing anymore. I can't even make excuses because I know it is my fault. 

But now all that is in the past and I could have, should have, would haves, are in past and I am ready to get down to business. Today is a new start for me. I do intend to finally start blogging again and losing weight. I have set a goal for myself to lose 30lbs by December 31st. At the beginning of this month I weighed 192lbs, This morning when I weighed myself I was 195lbs. I have regained 15lbs (ouch) from my low this year. <----- It hurts to type that. However, as I said in the beginning that is all in the past now and I am moving forward with operation Hot Wife.

Goals for this week:

1. Exercise every day for at least 20mins a day: Rationale It as been a while since I have done any form of exercise and I need to get back into it.
2. Drink only water: I have been drinking way too many sweet drinks...
3. Eat breakfast every morning. I find that I snack less when I have a good breakfast.

Another thing that has inspired me to start working out again is because my cousin is getting married new month and while I am not a bridesmaid, I will be seeing my father's side of the family again and they are more critical than my mother's side of the family. I think that I will be better prepared to mentally handle their criticism if I know in myself that I am on the journey to becoming healthy and thinner again.

Thanks for reading. I know I have said this before but I do intend to post more often again....

OMG! You lost weight... Here are some 3x shirts

I made it to Holland in one piece and the three flights I had to take to get here were pretty good and I even managed to sleep, which is something that I don't usually do. It has been a year since I have been to Holland and the main reason why I haven't wanted to come back here was because of my mother in law. She is as nice and fake as they come. She is passively bossy, she is very nosy inquisitive, and she is rude. The worst part about it is I think she thinks I am too stupid to notice that she talks down at me  that I don't notice.

As I mentioned before I have not been to Holland in about a year. The last time I was here I weight about 216lbs. Now I weigh about 187lbs. So that is almost a 30lb difference. I am not naive, I knew that everyone here would be surprised by my weight loss because its been a long time since they saw me. Well, my mother in law being the drama queen  person that she is, was all smiles when she said OMG! You lost a lot of weight young lady. I had of course expected her to say something. My reply to that was: yea thanks. Inside I was thinking whatever (bitch please) miss, it's not that serious. This was right after I arrived so my husband and I went to his room to put away my clothes and we didn't come back until it was dinner. Then we went out and when we came back she told him in dutch this long story (that he translated to me) about how she had a coworker that had some clothes that she gave to her that she (the coworker) couldnt fit and she (my mother in law) couldn't fit them either so maybe I want them. First off, (bitch) miss, I don't wear clothes from people I don't know! However the shirts were on the table that is on the stair way near the bathroom door which we have to pass to get to my husband's room so we saw them. It was bad enough that the shirts were ugly but can you guess what size they were? (I know that its in the title but you can still play along :P) Yeap, you guessed it 3x. My husband was instantly pissed. The first thing he said when he saw the size was is she serious? My reply was I guess. The most hurtful part about seeing the 3x shirts was that I didn't even wear 3x at my heaviest. I did not wear 3x when I was here a year ago. 

Of course we left the shirts there. Of course, I didn't buy her story that she got the shirts from a co worker. I think that she bought the shirts for me anticipating that I would be the same size that I was last year if not bigger. The hurtful part about it is she tried to give me the shirts even though she noticed that they are too big for me. I know that I still have a considerable amount of weight to lose still but there is no one who would look at me and think that I wear a 3x. But luckily they are on vacation now, which is why I came to Holland. I wouldn't have came if she was going to be here for my entire trip. After my last visit her I promised I would never set foot in this house again. (this is why I try to not ever say never because I am here again). 

Thanks for reading yall. My goal this week is to shed the excess kilos (the scale here is in kilos) that I gained this weekend. Pinky and I went to the Efteling which is an amusement park here and we stayed in this hotel room with an amazing jacuzzi tub and we ate whatever and it was fun. But this week I will be eating very late. I will make an effort to post pictures of the dinners that I make, which is something that I don't do at home because no one trusts me to cook at home but Pinky loves my cooking so yeah.

Finally, I will have a lot of spare time while I am here so look forward to seeing more posts from me and also I will be catching up on your blogs so dont be surprised if you see a lot of comments from me in one day. Thanks again for reading!

Where am I????

Hey Folks,

The title is for myself not you guys...lol I have no idea where I am in my journey. I have no idea what I want to do or what I want to accomplish as far as where I want my body to be. I have gotten so complacent with my current weight that I feel stuck and I lack ambition, desire and commitment. I have been trying since I came back from my honeymoon to develop a workout regimen but it is almost four weeks later I am still trying. Everything that I have done in the past to motivate myself isn't working. I started writing my goals on paper, I tried marking the time off on the calender , I have tried putting on my workout clothes and no matter how I try to think positively a major part of me isn't interested. So I find myself constantly putting off trying to lose weight. This is a constant battle for me right now. I have come to the conclusion that for right now I am not committed/ready to actively lose more weight right now. I keep hoping that tomorrow I would feel differently.

All that being said, I am about to switch topics right quick... I am going to Holland for four weeks and I leave next week Wednesday. I know for sure I won't be able to do any workout dvds while I am there because where my husband lives the floors are paper thin and walking echos so jumping around and doing anything that is extra noisy is a no no. However, I do intend to go for walks in the neighbourhood. So walking will be my form of exercise there. Additionally, my husband (still getting used to that word) and I plan to visit amusement parks so we will get in a lot of activities. That being said, I have a history of gaining weight when I am in Holland as much as 10lbs. I don't know if it is the weather or what but I don't realize that I have gained a considerable amount of weight until I get home to Nassau.  I remember the last time I came home from Holland, the second thought that came to my mind after damn its hot was damn I feel HUGE!. Seriously, I felt rolls and loaves in places I didn't know that they existed. I do not plan on doing that this time around.

The habits that I have had in my past visits to Holland that has caused me to gain so much weight  is attributed to my lack of exercise/activity and my constant snacking. I eat a whole lot of chips and cookies, MacDonalds and chocolate when I am there, especially since I am not a fan of bland dutch food. The plus side is I will be making my own meals so I can make food to my own taste rather than eating food made by my mother in law. I have a question though, I don't know if I should challenge myself to avoiding unhealthy snacks while I am there or if I should just limit the amount of times I snack on junk food. Let me know what you think please. 

Finally, can I get some advice on how I can get outta my rut please? I really want to get back into the swing of things. As far as my weight is concerned right now I weigh exactly 190lbs. When I came back from my honeymoon I was 188lbs. My highest weight this month was 192lbs and my lowest weight this year was 180.2lbs and my highest weight ever was around 220lbs. 

Hey Folks :D

I haven't forgotten about my blog, I promise, I have just been really busy. This is a short post to let you know that I will be back to posting really soon and to let you know that I got MARRIED YAAAAAAAAAAY :D I am going to make a post about that on my personal blog (I haven't posted on there in very long time and I will link it in a future post for those who are interested.) I haven't been working out or anything lately but I will be getting back into the swing of things. I hope everyone else is doing great. I miss you all :D

Until my next post!

Not In the MOOD :(

I have entered one of my funks again and I am not in the mood for anything. Honestly, I am starting to feel like maybe I am bipolar or something. I have moments when I am up and happy and excited about life then I have moments where I am down and just want to crawl into a corner and hide and wait until it's all over. And that is how I feel at the moment I don't want to be bothers.

With all that being said You know how my weight loss journey is going at the moment. It is at a stand still. I am currently 188lbs. I gained like 8lbs in the last two weeks which is well deserved because I really enjoyed the massive amounts of food that I was eating and I am happy that it was only 8lbs that I gained. Of course I would have enjoyed not gaining any weight but what is the point crying over spilled milk? It would have been worse if I  gain the weight while I was eating healthy and exercising.  

I have some posts sitting in draft that I have to make an effort to post. I just do not like posting when I am in a bad mood because I tend to write things that may seem mean or cruel and thats not a part of me that I want to share with the internet. I have learned that it is easier for people to remember the bad rather than the good so as much as I miss blogging I have to wait until my mood improves before I make posts.

If what I wrote before lowered your mood then I am sorry and believe me my life isn't bad my mood just is and misery likes company.... 

On a good note Sir will be here on Saturday YAAAAAAAAAAAAY ( see I think have some mental issues how did I go from feeling down to saying yaaaaaaaay in he same post?) so maybe he can help me find my happy side (not that I am sad I am just distant I guess? It's hard to explain). 

Thanks for reading :D

Detox Update:

Hey Everyone!

I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I really don't know how you manage but I believe good mothers do an AMAZING job! Keep doing what you do.

As my title says I want to update you on my detox. I ended yesterday because I was really craving protein/foods with protein. It started on Thursday, I was really craving morning star sausage patties. For those of you who don't know that is a veggie patty but it looks like meat sausage. The sodium level is a bit more than I would like but it is still quite tasty. More importantly, it has a good amount of protein in it. I managed to ignore the cravings and stay on plan, and then on Friday I started to crave eggs. It got so bad that I was hallucinating. 

No joke I could see myself frying up some eggs and eating it. At one point I saw myself eating boiled eggs and I HATE boiled eggs. Again, I managed to fight through it and then on Saturday, Tuna was calling my name. The can of tuna in the cupboard was teasing me because I didn't want to give in. As the day grew on the cravings were too much to deal with so I finally gave in and I had some spaghetti and cornflakes on Saturday evening. Then Sunday I ate regular food, I had grits and eggs for breakfast but I had too much grease for dinner, Bean and rice, baked bbq chicken, plantain and cole slaw (we have an early dinner on Sundays) and I paid for it this morning. My stomach was my worst enemy today. 

Even though I fell off the wagon, I am going to go back on the detox on the 11th. I will again try to get through a minimum of 8 days I am going to try to include hemp seed and flax seeds, (thanks Hyla for the suggestion of including seeds) maybe some hemp protein so I do not crave protein like I did the last time.

As far as detox symptoms are concerned I didn't have anything major, my skin was itchy but that was about it. I did notice that I was always sleepy around 3pm. Then I got a burst of energy around 6. I think my body always gave me energy around 6 because thats the time when I usually exercised. As far as weight is concerned: When I weighed myself Sunday morning I weighed 180.7lbs. Today I weighed in at 182 exactly. I am not overly concerned about the weight. It is what it is. I am getting to the point where the scale doesn't affect me like it used to, because I give myself 5lbs. Once I don't gain over 5lbs I don't sweat it. 

My goal is to work on maintaining while I am losing so once I reach to my goal weight. What I mean by that is  if I go off plan then my goal is just to maintain. For most of April I was off plan therefore I just spent a lot of time maintaining. My hopes are that once I reach my goal weight, I will already have an idea of what I can do to keep the weight off. Plus I want to enjoy my new/old body. The last time I weighed 180 was I think about 4 years ago. I don't want to be stressing over the number on the scale. I feel amazing and thats all that matters. I feel when you are happy with the way you look, you are more likely to take care of your body. I am happy with the way I look.

I will have progress pictures when I get to 175lbs. I have about 7lbs to get to that goal. I have started exercising again today. I did want to do Jillian Michael ripped in 30 but I can't. I don't like Jillian. Her voice makes my skin crawl. She doesn't motivate me at all... rather she irritates me. (Sorry Jillian I am sure you don't care because you are out spending your dollars and I am broke...lol) So instead I will be doing Turbo Jam, Turbo Fire and maybe some Leslie Sansone. At the end of the day or tomorrow I will post my workouts. 

Thanks for reading :D