I am happy

After suffering from depression for at least half my years on this earth, it feels good to finally be HAPPY. I woke up this morning and I am filled with so much joy that I can honestly say that I am HAPPY. I have a great relationship with my husband, I have a good relationship with my family but best of all I have a great relationship with myself. Of course there are things that I want to change about myself mainly my weight but for now I am very content with being HAPPY. I just wanted to share... 

For those of you that are sad and feeling depressed, know that you won't feel like that forever, find someone to talk to that will LISTEN to you. For those of you that knows someone that is suffering from depression just LISTEN to them and support them with your love and presence. You don't have to know what to say to them to make them feel better. Chances are they wont believe anything positive that you are saying. If all else fails get professional help.

Until my next post. 

Be blessed and happy

Summer is almost over :( Updates

Ever worked out for an hour and then looked in the mirror afterwards to see if you lost any 20lbs? Please tell me I am not the only one that does that. 

Hey Everyone!

I really thought that I would be more active on here this summer but life actually laziness got in the way and I neglected to update my blog. Nevertheless, I hope that you all are enjoying the summer. I have surely been enjoying mine because I can just feel that I gained about 10lbs. As far as my actual weight is concerned I have no idea how much I currently weigh but I am guessing its anywhere between 187 and 195. That's just based on what I see in the mirror. I am praying that I am not over 195lbs.  I am thinking about buying a scale but I am afraid that if I see 200lbs or even 190lbs on the scale I will give up again.

Therefore, for now I am just blissfully ignorant and just focusing on getting fit. I will probably wait until I get back home next weekend to weigh myself and hopefully by then the number that I see on the scale will not look so scary. I know that the scale should not be my only focus on this journey however  I am motivated to eat right and exercise when I see the number on the scale go down. I have finally made up my mind that my goal weight is 130lbs and I AM going to be at the weight by March of next year. My goal for the end of this year is to be at 150lbs. I know I can do it I just have to put in the work and make certain sacrifices. I keep promising to post some updated pictures I will do that tomorrow morning and I will also post my goals for next week. 

Thanks for reading

Talk to you in another post.

Short some what of an update...

Just wanted to leave a message to say that I am still alive and I haven't fallen off the planet. Right now I am on vacation from school and I haven't really been doing much in terms of staying on my weight loss/ fitness journey. I am staying my with mother and she loves to cook and  she always have drinks in the house and so its hard for me to fight temptation. So I have been drinking and eating everything in sight.

 I swear I gained like 10lbs in the 2 weeks that I have been here so I probably weight around 188lbs I do not have a scale so it could be more.  When I left home I was about 178lbs. Yesterday I started working out again in order to curve whatever damage I am doing to myself. I kinda put my foot in my mouth and I told my workout partners that when we returned from vacation that I would be the same size I was when I left if not smaller so yea if I go back heavier cause I wouldn't hear the end of it so I have to get this weight back off before I go home. I plan to leave on the 20th of next month. Therefore I cannot go back home fat. It is not happening.

 I will try to post some updated pictures and just discuss more of what is going on with me next week. Right now I am trying to work out a work out schedule that I can stick with.

Until next time

My blogging has been scarce because I do not really have anything to blog about. My days come and they go and I try my best to lower the number on the scale. Yes I am still at the point where I am weighing myself everyday and hoping that I see a change in the number that appears in the scale. This post is going to be quite random because I just came just to post something.

I am down to 187lbs but I feel bloated today so even though technically I am thinner I do not feel thinner. I am starting to notice cellulite on my legs. I dread them so much because when I was 200+ lbs I didnt have them so I try not to look down at my legs too often. I have to do some research to see what I can do to combat them.

I have been really diligent with walking. I like walking because I do not feel as though I am exercising, i5 doesnt make me sore and I do not dread it. I am thinking about starting T25 again but whenever I start the dvd my mood goes down. I think that I will probably end up doing Body Revolution by Jillian Michaels because at least her workouts incorporate weights.  I dont want to think negatively about working out.  Until I make up my mind I will just continue walking. Oh I do jump rope in the afternoon as well.


School will be closing soon. Then summer is fast approaching and  I wont be able to walk as much because of the bugs so I will have  to figure out a home workout program asap.

Anyways I am going to cut this short. I think I have rambled long enough...lol

Hope everyone is having a great week. It is FRIDAY tomorrow . I am sooooooooooo excited because I only have two teaching periods. I love my job but the kids make me weary sometimes. If I do not post again before the weekend enjoy your weekend and have a fit week.

Current picture and week filled with temptation.

current Taken 10  May 2014

My husband is not here and so I had to took my picture in the mirror. please excuse my bed.  But this is a current picture of me. I am so proud of the hard work that I have done. In the picture I am 189lbs . I am looking forward to losing another 30lb by the end of the year. Honestly though I am trying to lose another 30lbs by august. That is when I go shopping for clothes for school.

This week I ate horribly(thanks to PMS) and because of the weather I only walked three days  out of the usual five days. I am going to make up for it next week though by going walking for 2hours next week instead of my usual 1.5hours. This weekend I want to do a couple of workout dvds maybe some Turbo fire or some t25 workouts just to do something different.

Losing weight is hard but I am not giving up this time. Regardless of how many times I stumble I intend to brush myself off , suck it up and do what I have to do. 

Beginning of 2014

Weight loss and Emotions.

I remember when I weighed 220lbs for the second time. I was devastated that I had allowed myself to regain the weight. However, I was still content with things because I allowed myself to slip into denial. I avoided the scale and I wore clothes that were comfortable or a little bigger because for some reason it made me feel not so big. Then after my 7 year old nephew asked me why I was fat something clicked in my brain that told me that it was time for a change. 

As a result I decided that I was going to try to lose weight again. I imagined how happy I would be to be under 200lbs again. Then I imagined what it would be like to be in the 190s and then the 180s. Today I weigh 189lbs and I am not at all excited about what I have accomplished. Well, that is not exactly true. I am happy that I am finally committing to losing weight again. But the joy that I excepted to feel doesn't live up to how I actually feel.Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to have to deal with so much emotions. It seems so unavoidable. I think that everyone who goes on a weight loss journey or A lifestyle change has moments where their emotions take over and they struggle. Sometimes I feel bipolar. Because tomorrow actually be excited that summer is coming and I may get to wear a bikini...lol

Anyways, My short term goal is 175lbs. I chose 175lbs because its the lowest I got to before I started to slip up again. My ultimate goal weight has yet to be determined but I think that it will range anywhere between 130 - 150lbs. I am going to weigh 150 by the end of August. I am putting it out in the atmosphere...lol

Coworkers and Weight loss

I am a bad blogger I know! However, since I started teaching my desire to do any thinking outside of school hours has become none existent and I struggle with posting because it requires thought and focus and that I something that my darling demons angels take away from me. I hope that makes sense. 

Recently.  I was told by a co worker that I shouldn't lose any more weight. If you havent guest it already I lost some weight ....lol About 30lbs, I did it by cutting back on overeating and walking five days a week. I will post pictures in my another post. This post is about my coworker. 

On Friday I went to work and I was about to sign in and the cleaning lady (who is extremely overweight) came to me and was like please don't lose any more weight. Then she smiled and walked off.  All I could think was seriously? Yes I know that I have lost a considerable amount of weight to them but I am in no way shape or form thin or close to being too thin. I weigh 190lbs and I am 5feet 4.5 inches. I can stand to lose another 50lbs with ease. 

Why is it that persons are always trying to tell others that they have lost enough weight? I wouldn't go to her and tell her that she should start losing weight. The lady is like 300lbs easy. I wouldn't comment about her weight period. If she is happy at the weight that she is at, more power to her, I respect that. But dont tell me how much I should weigh

This has always been the part that I hated about losing weight. I always hated when someone noticed that I had lost weight and pointed it out to me. I would rather my transformation be invisible to others so I wouldnt have to listen to their comments. Having someone tell me that I lost weight annoys me just as much as someone telling me that I gained weight. When did it become ok to talk to someone about their weight. Are you my doctor? I am sorry but I had to go on that lil rant...lol 

Do you think that I am overreacting though? How do you deal with similar situations?

Talk to you in my next post hopefully it wont be months from now. ...lol